Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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