I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
