1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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