Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
