You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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