you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
