2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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