is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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