Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
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she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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