I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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