How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
