do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
