she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
