My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Randomize
