Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
