I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
