Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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