Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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