Porn is love you can see.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
