I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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