wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
