he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
