I wish I could teleport
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
