Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You have to summon your inner elephant
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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