she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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