Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
