omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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