I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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