Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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