Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
