I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I wear drunk well.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
