Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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