On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
