Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
