That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
