I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
