mondays should just be called national damage control day
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
