Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
