I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
