I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
