You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
