you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
