Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
how does that bad decision feel?
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