Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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