i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
