Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
