he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
