I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
