Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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