Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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