My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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