i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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