Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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