If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
