I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
