..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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