The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
