3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Randomize
