My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
