if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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