I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Randomize
