we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
A+ Viking dick
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