I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
