Taylor Swift is so right about you.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
