You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
