just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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