It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
