:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
