you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize