in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
