After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
