y did u give ur computer a hand job?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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