So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
