he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
